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 Kiri Sana [Awaiting Approval]

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Musoka

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Join date : 2017-02-03

PostSubject: Kiri Sana [Awaiting Approval]   Fri May 26, 2017 8:22 am

OOC Info
SL Username: - MusokaN
SL Display Name: -Musoka
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Character Info
Name: -Kiri
Age: -Mature/Unknown
Birthday: -Pretty sure between Jan and Dec
Gender: -Female
Height: -5'4
Weight: - Shhhh
Race: -Adapter
Species: -Eldritch Touched Human
Origin: -Unknown
Occupation: - Mad inventor!
Affiliation: -n/a
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Character Story
 
Overview: An eldritch touched human compelled into creation of robotics and cybernetics by what ever warped her in the first place.

“Sometimes the best laid plans just don’t work out…. so you improved the mayor fancy parade float to include teleportation.  He probably liked those tentacles getting in everywhere!  I mean he looked like a pervert any way; and ok, so maybe that constable over reacted a little when you added a rice pudding dispenser to his side arm.  Constables need healthy snacks too!  Its ok, a new city and a new start!  Just got to find a job and get some parts, and the screaming robot I been thinking about will really wow the city and before ya know it, you will find a full sponsor to bring this primitive city into the new age!”   Meanwhile the other passengers on the train slowly increase the already wide birth they had been giving the red head seeming to talk to her own reflection.  Talking to your self is never a good sign they say, even if it is a pep talk.

To say life has had a few hiccups here and there might be a little bit of an understatement.  An explosion here, a crazy interdimensional abomination there… I mean you can’t progress in technique without a broken egg or two right?  It seems to always be that way though, run out of one city then the next.  Ever since she was a kid and seemed to see and talk to things that weren’t there.  Things that inspired her, gave her insight… and maybe her creations didn’t always get appreciated, but that’s fine.  Sometimes primitives were like that!  

Though the city always seemed to become darker after she moved in.  The city seemed to become… more nightmarish and sinister.  Like thins waiting in the shadows…. Talk about unlucky!  Every time ya get settled the city goes to pot.  Probably all the Shriners…. Least that’s what she tells her self.

“Not going to happen this time though!  Nope… got a new design and a new plan. Just got to get some starting capital, and a roof… and you should probably eat… been a few days. “


________________________________________________________________________________________________

Personality
Positive Traits:
- Inventive
- Helpful ... kinda
- Warm
-

Negative Traits:
- Slightly Impulsive
- Compulsions


Likes:
- Making things
- Warm beds with feathered pillows
- Big warm meals

Hobbies:
- Making things
- Improving things
- Taking things apart
- Gambling

Dislikes:
- When things she makes explode!
- Not having all that much cash

Facts and Quirks:
- Touch by eldritch abominations long ago, the mad inventor creates out of compulsion and need.
- The world always seems to slowly grow darker when shes around.
- Despite what may seem poor luck, she has always found her self fine in the end.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Personal Effects
Personal Inventory:
General pocket tools suitable for working on electronics or other devices.
A general sonic based defense weapon (see abilities)
A little pocket money
A drone

Personal Property:
Various piles of random electronic parts shes horded back.
Modest bank account
Some different clothing and back up tools
laptop/tablet/broadcasting transmitter (modified ham radio)

Specialized Equipment:
Technical Officer Armor - (see abilities)

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Abilities
Racial Abilities:

Skill Name: Mad Inventor
General Description: Supernaturally able craft high level technological items with barest of resources and in impossible situations. Special Tech options available.
Umbrella Skills/Knowldge: Cybernetics & Robotics, Sonic Weaponry, Computer systems
Fluff Description: Touched by something other worldly the girl is a prodigy in cybernetic and advanced forms of robotics. However her creations are always twisted by her eldritch origins and are impossible to be replicated; seeming to defy basic principles of physics. Despite her cobbled together creations always seem to work… unless they explode. Without tools and only access to junk or spare parts she may cobble together physics defying tech even in impossible situations unless watched closely in periods of but minutes. Special items she can create are as follows.

Eldritch Tech

• Sonic Weapons: May create various sonic and sound based weapons (such as emitters and grenades), while these weapons do no harm they will cause vertigo for those in a small area (5m from a central point, or 10m cone).  This makes it difficult for individuals to stand or accurately attack long as the weapon maintained (channeled).  The effect ends once the weapon is no longer being actively maintained.  During use, no other action may be taken which would result in causing damage to a target due to require focus to keep the devices from malfunctioning.
• Servitors: She may build various robotic creations and contraptions though may only keep so many on her at any given time. These servitors posses the following traits.
+She may only carry and or operate 3 servitors on her at any one time.
+Servitors posses minor attacks and may not attack together.
+May not attack when sonic weapons are in use.
+Have mod health and require one hour per drone to rebuild. (aka. can't be replaced in combat)
+May remotely scout
+Damage types include Piercing & Heat dmg
• General Tools and Devices - Non-combat items of all types and fashions, blenders, computers, super duper self hitting hammers, lock picks are all possible (if it can be bought in a store she can produce it out of junk).
• Technical Officer Armor – This armor is filled with advanced systems and tools to enable quick access for infiltration and nonlethal disorientation of enemy combatants.  Created and designed by Kiri herself, it is naturally the best armor ever! (her words)
+ Various connections and even forced entry spikes to interface with various computers system, cybernetics and robotics.
+ Negates minor physical damage (slashing, piercing, bashing) and offers immunity to electrical damage.
+ May discharge electrical shocks to stun those in direct contact to any of the armors surface, one use per combat.
+ Flashbang Lights – A bright flash from the front of the armor causes blindness for 2 turns. 2 use per combat.
- All that equipment tends to run hot, in addition to any damage heat based attacks contribute to overheating the armor.  When acquiring 2 moderate levels of heat damage the armor must be vented for 3 turns; failure to complete this results in the wearer taking one heavy damage and one moderate damage to all those in a 5m radius when the suite hits critical.




Non-Combat Abilities:
Eldritch Mark:  Yokia, the insane, and those with an Eldritch tag more than likely will find themselves drawn to the mad inventor when they interact with her.  Something about her just makes her like “one of them”.  On the inverse those who can claim a pure tag may find her for some reason untrustworthy and suspicious.  To clarify she just in nature seems like a yokia with all the boons and implications this may create socially.

It never happened!:  The girl’s body always seems to be fine some how come the stroke of midnight.  Death, grievous wounds, every thing seems to mend on the witching hour.  The girl regenerates 1 mod health every midnight.  This may also regrow limbs and remove scars.


Combat Abilities:  
Horrifically Untouchable: The girl is so use to nightmarish creatures and abominations she has lost touch with what is “normal” leaving her less than what anyone could claim to be stable.  As a result is un-phased by horrific scenes and possesses a type of immunity mind affecting abilities.

Battlefield Saboteur: May spend one post studying an opponent to understand their equipment. May then choose to focus the target of her attacks on damaging and disabling said equipment instead of targeting an individual for harm, requiring items damaged in this fashion to undergo repairs before further use.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Weaknesses
Racial Weakness:
Strain: Due to not being fully human, nor fully of anything else, these beings face a hard time adapting to their own form. In combat situations which last too long they take extra damage in battles which last too long. [+1 Moderate per 4 rounds of combat]


Combat Weaknesses:

Warded Against: Much like a yokai the girl is quite susceptible to Holy or Purifying magics. Thus, she takes +1 Moderate damage from Holy or Purifying damage.

Otherworldly: Much like extra planer beings and many yokia, the girl is sensitive to magic’s tailored to effect extra dimensional beings and horrors. She will suffer half the effect of any magic tailored for these beings. (Example a spell meant to bind such a creature will greatly slow her down)

Pogonophobia: Great fear of bearded men... the longer the worse it is... with all that food stuck in there...eww

I can make it better! : If left alone without anything to do long enough or requested to “Improve something” compulsion will overtake the girl. She will be unable to control her impulse to “improve” the world around her or improve the requested item.  The compulsion may be triggered by simple request or by locking her away too long.  The weakness should be considered a psychological disorder akin to OCD.

Warping Dreams: If unconscious reality around the girl warps.  The world becomes darker and those around her will quickly find their sanity tested and drained with enough time. Whisper, nightmares, and strange occurrences.... things seem to seep through when the girl shuts her eyes.  Produce psychological strain but causes no damage to those around her; effects occur within 30 mins in a 10m area of the girls unconscious body.  Creates multiple problems treating wounds and recovering her for allies.


Last edited by Musoka on Mon Jun 19, 2017 7:48 pm; edited 8 times in total
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Sukutto

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Posts : 50
Join date : 2016-08-30
Age : 23
Location : Winnipeg MB, Cananda

PostSubject: Re: Kiri Sana [Awaiting Approval]   Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:28 am

Hey there Musoka, thanks for your interest in our community!

First things first, your characters personality info is fine. You don't need to fill out all 4 slots, but if you're not using them remove the empty the bullets. Any empty bullets simply look like it’s unfinished!

Second is your abilities. Unfortunately we're gonna have to revamp this section, as it currently stands these skills are not acceptable. You'll need to start by making the skills fit our system guidelines as stated below from our section on Character creation. Remember, you’re starting off as a Tier 5 character--the lowest rank or starting point in the city--extended abilities and damage output are something that you’ll have to obtain through role-play in the city.

Next, I'll go into detail about what needs to be fixed…

https://www.hajimecity.org/t7-how-combat-works#499

https://www.hajimecity.org/t5-how-to-build-a-character

For the sake of adding "Specialized Equipment" please copy the following format:
Code:
[b][u]Item Name:[/u][/b] (What is it, or what is it called?)
[b][u]Damage Type:[/u][/b] (Bludgeoning, Piercing or Slashing? Mix?)
[b][u]Damage:[/u][/b] (Minor, Moderate, Heavy, Major, Severe)
[b][u]Extra:[/u][/b] (Any other information on the item?)

For Adding new "Skills" or "Abilities" you are free to use the following format:
Code:
[b][u]Skill Name:[/u][/b] (What is the skill called?)
[b][u]Affinity:[/u][/b] (Specific Element? If no, put N/A)
[b][u]Damage Type:[/u][/b] (Bludgeoning, Piercing or Slashing? Mix?)
[b][u]Damage:[/u][/b] (Minor, Moderate, Heavy, Major, Severe)
[b][u]Extra:[/u][/b] (Any other information on the Skill?)

Also take into account, you have 12 abilities/skills/items and only 4 weaknesses. Your abilities need to be balanced with drawbacks or you may have to drawback the amount of abilities/skills/items you can use.
The weaknesses you have listed, besides the racial weaknesses...are not real weaknesses, as they can affect others more than your character. Please try listing out more effective weaknesses.

--

The drone listed on your personal inventory needs to have it’s stats listed.

Sonic Weapons:
 
Okay so various weapons...I need to know what general stats these inventions are.
How long does the vertigo last for - how many rounds?
What is the radius of the sound blast?
How long does the sonic weapon last for?
How many Sonic weapons per week can


Servitors:
 
Does the character create the various robotic creations and contraptions or is it the Servitors?
How many rounds/hours/etc...do the Servitors last for?
Listed it states “only do minor damage unless attaching herself to explode…” are they able to stick onto other players or do they stick onto the character themself?
Upon the Servitor exploding, what is the explosion like? It’s listed as moderate damage...what is the radius of the explosion? 1m to 5m?
What type of damage is it doing?


Tool Creation:
 
What tools is this character able to create? Once again these need to be listed as well as the general stats of these inventions, similar to the Sonic Weapons...or remove it, because it seems to be redundant if the character can already build Sonic Weapons/Tools.
What makes these any different than what she can already create? It needs to be specific.


Technical Officer Armor
Tech Armor Ability #1-Hacker:
 
How long does it take to force entry?
There needs to be a good drawback for this.
Needs OOC consent if other players are involved--and list it in the description.
What are the various connections?


Tech Armor Ability #2-Armor:
 
There needs to be a good drawback for minor damage to be negated or this ability needs to be removed.

Tech Armor Ability #3- Electrical Shock:
 
What exactly is a battery? If it’s an energy source that’s used overall, it needs to be listed.
Discharging electrical shocks...how exactly is this done? Is it shot out or does it emit from the armor?
How long does the electrical shock/stun last for?


Tech Armor Ability #4 - Flashbang Lights:
 
What is the length of the 45 degree arc - up to how many meters does this arch reach?

Tech Armor Ability #5-ECM Interference:
 
ECM Interference needs to have radius listed, ‘moderate radius’ isn’t specific enough--is it 5m to 10m?
How long is the ECM deployed for?
How long does it take to deploy the ECM?
This need OOC consent before using, given that this could affect other characters who may also be tech based--and list it in the description.


Eldritch Mark:
 
Needs a range of effect.
Needs OOC consent listed.


"It Never Happened!":
 
T5 characters that are not in healing factions can only heal up to 1 Moderate/3 Minor damage a day.
This skill needs to be adjusted to those rules or removed.


Unworldly Scripts:
 
While I understand that your character is Eldritch-touched, remember that your character is a T5 character, and this skill is way too OP for them to have. You may be allowed to have it at a later tier rank. Needs to be removed.

Warded Against:
 
While you can most certainly have a weakness against Holy or Purifying damage, it should NOT be listed at a racial weakness. I would move it to standard combative weaknesses. If you're not park of the Yokai race, you do not take on Yokai race weaknesses or abilities.

"I Can Make It Better!":
 
If this is to affect other characters, it needs to have OOC consent--and list it in the description.
If this is to cause any damage to others besides yourself, damage taken/given needs to be listed.


Warping Dreams:
 
What is the range in which the world is warped around her?
If this is to affect other characters, it needs to have OOC consent--and list it in the description.
If this is to cause any damage to others besides yourself, damage taken/given needs to be listed.

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Musoka

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PostSubject: Re: Kiri Sana [Awaiting Approval]   Mon Jun 19, 2017 8:09 pm

Thank you for your efforts in looking into this character, however from the looks of it she needs a complete redesign. Please feel free to delete this topic at your convince and sorry for any wasted time.
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Sukutto

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Location : Winnipeg MB, Cananda

PostSubject: Re: Kiri Sana [Awaiting Approval]   Tue Jun 20, 2017 11:13 am

Musoka wrote:
Thank you for your efforts in looking into this character, however from the looks of it she needs a complete redesign.  Please feel free to delete this topic at your convince and sorry for any wasted time.

I wouldn't say complete redesign is really necessary. It's more so a task of polishing them up and fleshing out details that make our combat system work. I'll leave this open for now, I suggest taking a look at some of our approved sheets to get a feel for what the sheet should look like. c:
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BelialBelhor

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Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Kiri Sana [Awaiting Approval]   Sun Jun 25, 2017 8:36 pm

Hello, I would like to ask if you could put an actual age on your character as to prevent ageplay and to ensure the character in question is at least 18 years of age or equivalent.

She's NOT a yokai, she's an adapted, stop putting yokai in here.

Eldritch touched does NOT allow you to fabricate things that defy physics without the proper tools, this includes robotics and advanced AI. Edritch touched means you have been given an insane amount of knowledge all at once and it has caused your character to become unhinged, and while your character may be compulsed to carry out this need to fabricate, she is NOT going to be capable of creating anything that defies physics, let alone grenades. Not at Tier 5.

Her drones cannot be rebuilt within the hour if they are that advanced, I do not care if she is a prodigy, there are other technological prodigies irl that cannot do that.

She does NOT get Technical Officer Armor at Tier 5. Period.

Eldritch Mark:  Yokia, the insane, and those with an Eldritch tag more than likely will find themselves drawn to the mad inventor when they interact with her.  Something about her just makes her like “one of them”.  On the inverse those who can claim a pure tag may find her for some reason untrustworthy and suspicious.  To clarify she just in nature seems like a yokia with all the boons and implications this may create socially. (No, Eldritch ANYTHING is not friendly to any plane other than the Eldritch home plane, to people of the mortal realm, anything marked as Eldritch is repulsive, the books even declare this on several occasions stating that even rats flee. yokai are very sensitive to the world around them and an Eldritch marked person would instantly put them ill at ease. Maybe other Eldritch marked will come to her, but that would be all.)

I can make it better! : If left alone without anything to do long enough or requested to “Improve something” compulsion will overtake the girl. She will be unable to control her impulse to “improve” the world around her or improve the requested item.  The compulsion may be triggered by simple request or by locking her away too long.  The weakness should be considered a psychological disorder akin to OCD. (First, that is not how OCD works, I actually am diagnosed with that so please no. Second, she is not capable of improving anything past what a normal human with normal resources have at t-5.)


It never happened!:  The girl’s body always seems to be fine some how come the stroke of midnight.  Death, grievous wounds, every thing seems to mend on the witching hour.  The girl regenerates 1 mod health every midnight.  This may also regrow limbs and remove scars. (It is never stated that her Eldritch touch gives her healing abilities, furthermore she is not allowed to heal more than a Moderate per day. This means: No limb regrowth, no instant healing of grievous injuries, no scar removal. Not at t-5)

Combat Abilities:  
Horrifically Untouchable: The girl is so use to nightmarish creatures and abominations she has lost touch with what is “normal” leaving her less than what anyone could claim to be stable.  As a result is un-phased by horrific scenes and possesses a type of immunity mind affecting abilities. (No. Her insanity does NOT make her immune to mental trauma or stress induced by witnessing horrors of the mortal or Eldritch kind. In fact they may exacerbate them tenfold, turning a mundane accident into a shit-show. She can be desensitized, but not immune.)


Battlefield Saboteur: May spend one post studying an opponent to understand their equipment. May then choose to focus the target of her attacks on damaging and disabling said equipment instead of targeting an individual for harm, requiring items damaged in this fashion to undergo repairs before further use. (You need to spend more time than one post to understand and sabotage anything. Professionals in this trade IRL train for months to take apart specific equipment. The fastest being about a month, during wartime. She needs to spend at least a week studying it and if it is much more complex than what a normal human would have, a month, at the very least.)

Warping Dreams: If unconscious reality around the girl warps.  The world becomes darker and those around her will quickly find their sanity tested and drained with enough time. Whisper, nightmares, and strange occurrences.... things seem to seep through when the girl shuts her eyes.  Produce psychological strain but causes no damage to those around her; effects occur within 30 mins in a 10m area of the girls unconscious body.  Creates multiple problems treating wounds and recovering her for allies. (I'm not allowing this at all. This is effectively going to affect everyone whenever she is asleep and when she gets hurt, constantly. No)

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Musoka

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PostSubject: Re: Kiri Sana [Awaiting Approval]   Wed Jul 05, 2017 8:49 am

Hello again, though I do appreciate the second post it was unneeded as I have not changed my mind concerning the character... though am reassured my original assumption was correct and she was a lost cause. Do please delete the character, as even though I am passing on the community I don't want any one else to waist any further time on it. Thanks and good luck <3
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